SIGNS

On a septic tank truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."
Sign over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."
On a plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip.  Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
On a plastic surgeon's office door: "Hello.  Can we pick your nose?"
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows."
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
On a maternity room door: "Push.  Push.  Push."
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary.  We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit!  Stay!"
At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your payment.  However, if you don't, you will be."
In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry.  Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully.  We'll wait."
At a propane filling station, "Tank heaven for little grills."
At a Chicago radiator shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

                                                                                                                        Via Judith Lynne