This is the continuation of the book Kundalini: The Ascending Goddess A Tiger in the Night Dream.
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by Ruth Bailey (copyright 2002)
We [my brothers and sisters and parents] had been eating supper in the usual way when father looked directly at me, and with a quiet controlled voice and showing no overt emotions, said, "A tiger will visit you tonight, when he does give him your ring."
No one moved, nor ate, a silence descended upon us all. Gradually everyone turned his eyes upon me, and I, I felt awed but somehow not puzzled. The words I did not recognize, yet in some strange way the sense was familiar. It was as if I had been waiting for this message and now it had come, yet I had not expected to be awake at the time. The feelings aroused in me by his words belonged it seemed to the dim dreamy region between sleep and waking. The sense must also have gone around the table because one by one my family returned to their eating, silently and without manifesting any surprise or alarm by what had been said. Somewhere in the regions of my mind I thought that it was as if the idea father had expressed, mesmerized them all and caused them all to accept it calmly and matter of factly, as I had. [Like the chosen daughter, the sacrificial daughter of Agamemnon, Iphigenia.}
It seemed there was no area of time between supper and the moment when we all were tucked in bed. There was an unspoken deference toward me, as if I had been made a queen over-night and now they were my subjects.
I was still awed by my father's words, yet I was calm and resigned somehow knowing that what it meant could not be avoided and was as inevitable as death. For some reason which I could not fathom, the word "tiger" had not made me think of the animal which kills men and animals and is the terror of Indian villages. The connotation I had was of a large, agile, masterful being, which demanded obedience and loyalty. Where these ideas had come from, I could not imagine. I felt completely secure as I drifted off to sleep that night.
When I awoke I knew, without opening my eyes, that it was almost morning. All was still, pregnant with the promise of a new blooming day. I opened my eyes and the tiger was there moving towards the left side of my bed. I felt no fear. Some power caused my torso to rise from the pillow while my eyes focused upon the tiger. Seconds only passed as he came to me, yet in that space I registered the immense power of his body, the beauty of his color and the wonder of his eyes. I realized my [wedding] ring was already off my finger and I held it towards him, then lay it on a dresser. [This dresser did not exist in my Texas bedroom, but 5 years later in 1979 was part of my Hawaii bedroom. I was also aware that my husband was sleeping next to me to the right].
He [the tiger]ceased his progress as I did this, and watched my acts. Then his eyes focused on mine and I was lost to him. There was no spoken or given language, yet he was telling me to come to him where he waited at the left foot of my bed. In a dream-like state, I rose effortlessly and he turned and walked out of the room, supremely confident that I would follow. I passed from my room to the living area without feeling my feet touch the ground.
The tiger I knew had gone before me and was in the living room waiting. As I entered I saw the tiger but he was not a tiger any more, he was a tiger-man. That is, he had the physical presence of a man, yet the spiritual presence of the tiger who had come to me. [He was standing upright.] I did not feel surprise; none of these events had surprised me. My normal reactions to everything seemed to have disappeared, to be replaced by calm acceptance of everything. Once more our eyes locked together and we communicated. In fact it was not "we" but he communicated with me in this way. He communicated the feeling that he meant me no harm, that he would look after me and cherish me. I believed all these communicated things because I felt them within me and my whole being warmed towards the tiger-man and I felt wonderful and joyous before his presence.
He must have understood my feelings because he advanced towards me once more and I felt my self melt with ecstasy that he should be nearer. I have never known such bliss as I felt with him holding me. There seemed to be no bones in my body so gently and tenderly did he hold me, and I felt totally immersed in the powerful being that he was. If I was asleep, and I honestly could not be sure, then I had never known such peace and restfulness and such joy as I knew then in the arms of the tiger-man.
The spell of this circle of love which I shared with him, was broken by the distant sounds of the family [my siblings and parents] getting dressed and prepared for breakfast. The noises were reality far away, and they did cause some alarm [and guilt] in me. For the first time since the tiger had been mentioned the previous evening at supper, I felt normal and to be in control of my mind. I sprang away from the being afraid [guilty]they would find me with him there. He knew my thoughts and feelings and look of intense sadness and compassion communicated itself to me from him, yet before I could reach out my left hand to him as a symbol that I did not reject him, he had seemed to disappear.
Just then some of the family came clattering into the room and expressing surprise to see me there. I could not speak, I was so full of emotions I did not know how to verbalize. Bless them, for they stood back as I went out through the French doors to the lawn and the garden bower, and no one tried to follow or ask questions. [This place with the French doors and garden bower was part of a house in Somerset, England that I had lived in when I was eight.] I felt a great chasm inside me. At one moment I felt so loved, so safe because of the goodness of the being I had known in the early morning, and at the next moment I felt so desolated because I felt I had offended him. What a strange and wonderful thing it had been to be loved and caressed by such a tiger.
My mind worked at these ideas, yet my body and heart seemed suffused with a kind of warmth and happiness.
A Tiger in the Night Dream.April 6, 1974:
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